How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
