So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
