I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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