She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
