I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
