Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
