look no pants
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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