you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
