the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
