sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
