I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
