Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
