I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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