he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize