i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
