I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
