I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
