ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
