You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
