My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
