apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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