Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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