no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
