you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
