Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
