Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
