**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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