I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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