You don't have asthma, your pregnant
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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