I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
