hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
