We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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