I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
