The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
