now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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