it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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