Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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