Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
