I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You pole danced in your parka.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
