It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
