When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
