She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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