The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
