you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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