No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
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I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
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Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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