Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
