And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
