Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Randomize
