She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
