Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
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It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
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I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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