To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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