so explain again why im purple
no
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
