You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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