The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
