i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
