He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm too high and old for this...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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