I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize