god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
It's just like the Real World with babies
He passed out mid-signature
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
