making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Drunk is not a location!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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