don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
