some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
