Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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