At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
